Meghan Trainor opened up about the trauma she experienced after giving birth to her first child, Riley, in February 2021.
Speaking with People, the hitmaker said her son spent hardly any time awake after he was born via C-section. When she and husband Daryl Sabara sought answers, Meghan says the medical staff made her feel that she was to blame for it.
"They were like, 'Sometimes it happens,' and then some nurses were like, 'Well, it's because you're on antidepressants.'... "And I'm like, 'Yeah, but I've been told by others that it's not that,'" she reflected.
Meghan found it "really frustrating" that she didn't know "why my kid didn't wake up for a week."
Although everything worked out in the end, Meghan admitted she was traumatized by the ordeal and sought the help of a therapist to process what happened. "I was having PTSD at nighttime when I would try to go to sleep... I would be back in the C-section, on the table," she confessed.
That experience is also weighing on her now that she and Sabara are trying to expand their family. "It's scary going into another pregnancy being like, 'Well, I hope that doesn't happen again,'" she offered, adding, "Do I have to change up my whole life? I don't know... So it's infuriating."
Meghan said Riley's happy and healthy -- but admitted she's a little jealous her toddler is only saying "Dada."
"I'm like, 'Does he even know I exist?" she questioned. She then revealed her son has shown her in other ways that he "knows who I am, and he loves me."
"He gives me those running hugs. It's like my little koala. He just squeezes me so tight," Meghan said. "I finally feel like he loves me, and it's the greatest feeling ever."