(NOTE LANGUAGE) Adam Sandler was on hand in New York City at the annual Gotham Awards Monday night, but his teen daughters Sadie and Sunny were not. Yet they managed to bring the house down nonetheless.
Sandler explained they wrote his acceptance speech for one of the night's two Performer Tribute Awards and dictated he must perform it in the "goofy Southern accent" he "always" does.
Addressing the "well-dressed dignitaries, highly educated hipsters and various other plus-ones of the Gotham Awards," the pair explained, "while daddy is with you tonight, we're doing everything we're not allowed to do when daddy is home, like...laugh out loud at Ben Stiller movies."
Sandler then said, "The last time daddy caught us chuckling away at the Meet the Parents trilogy, he immediately stormed into the room he calls 'The Screaming Room,' which we just call 'the shower,' and bellowed out the phrase, 'Only the Sandman makes people laugh. F*** every other comedian.'"
The speech continued, with Sandler cracking up as he read it, "It means a lot to him seeing that most of the awards on his trophy shelf are shaped like popcorn buckets, blimps, or fake mini-Oscars that say 'Father of the Year', which he sadly purchased himself while wandering in a self-pitying fog through the head shops of Times Square."
The pair looked back at his career, explaining it was "formed by two guiding principles: people in prison need movies too and TBS needs content to show between all them f***ing basketball games."
They also said Sandler refers to 1999's Big Daddy as "the movie that paid for this f***ing house and your grandma's house and your other f***ing grandma's house, Rob Schneider's f***ing house, and your braces, and Rob Schneider's f***ng braces."